I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
