Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
