mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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