i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
