Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
