I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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