Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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