mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
