this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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