i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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