My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
