she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
