apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
