But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
