I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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