YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
