I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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