I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
