somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
