oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
