You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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