This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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