you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
