I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Text me some of your sweat
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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