Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
