I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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