i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Small penises have feelings too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
