SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
