so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
