You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
