His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
