so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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