Midget sex pt 2 tonight
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
