i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
