nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
