Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he shaved USA in his pubs
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
