sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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