If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
