Got a toothbrush?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
