Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
