I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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