How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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