just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
