Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
