She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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