i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
