whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
