Say something about gay babies.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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