I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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