I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
