Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
