i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
