Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
