is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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